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June 16, 2006
Fathers
I am a lucky father. I still have my father, who is 89 and takes a short walk every day. And I have three sons, two of whom are loving fathers and all of whom seem determined to be self-sufficient and useful. We are a scattered family, but this is the American way.
I see in my family the seasons of fatherhood. From afar, my father enjoys news about his grandchildren and the arrival of his great-grandchildren. My sons, meanwhile, discover both the joys and challenges of fatherhood. And I am in the middle, trying to bridge the generations and worrying about both my father and my sons.
I don’t think my father did much to prepare me for fatherhood. In fact, our relationship was burdened by that very real 1960s phenomenon known as the Generation Gap. We fought about nearly everything when I was in my teens. Fortunately, when the reconciliation came later, it was at least as profound as our differences had been.
I vowed I would be a different kind of father, but I’m not sure I was. I am sure I was blessed with a different kind of sons. We actually had relationships when they were in their teens. These were not always easy, but I knew it was important even during the rough patches that we keep talking, and we always managed to so.
That said, I’m not sure I did any more to prepare my sons for fatherhood than my father did to prepare me. And now I have reached a point in life where I have a hard time keeping up with the boys. They are extremely helpful to us when they visit, and we have nice, easy times when we see each other. But they don’t e-mail or call me often enough for me to keep track of what they’re thinking or what really matters to them. They are men. Men go it alone.
I’m not complaining about this; I have nothing to complain about. I couldn’t be prouder of my sons. One is a computer engineer who will soon move to Bermuda, where his wife has been posted with the Foreign Service. One began his life as a doctor this week at Beth Israel Deaconess Hospital in Boston. And one just finished his first year of law school.
When I brag to friends about our three sons, I often say I regret that my wife and I didn’t have a fourth child. I mean, it’s great at our age to have free computer help and medical and legal advice, but where’s the dentist?
The most astonishing thing about the seasons of fatherhood is how quickly they pass. I hope you make the most of yours.
Happy Fathers Day.
Posted by Mike Pride at June 16, 2006 06:38 PM
Comments
Nice article. Being a child of the 60s I also argued about everything with my father. Only youth and inexperience can create such certainity as I had in those days. Unfortunately,my father died in 1968 and I never had the reconciliation you were able to achieve. The last few years of my life I have devoted to my father's family history, reunions, etc. trying to make amends. I am sure my father know what I am doing and it is OK. Happy Father's Dad, Daddy.
Posted by: Bettie at June 17, 2006 12:11 AM
Happy father's day Pride. Your sons have turned into men, but I know they will never forget how you loved each one of them for the boys that they were, and how you helped them be the men that they are today. You were and continue to be a great role model and incredible inspiration to your sons. All their accomplishments were nurtured by love, humour,and total commitment to bringing out the best in each one of them. The season of fatherhood never ends,it's rewards are perhaps more intangible as your boys fufill their own dreams. But continue to brag...that's one of the privileges that touches everyone's heart. Happy Father's Day.
Posted by: dkeyser at June 18, 2006 02:04 AM